Controversial Post Day....in honor of a mom blogger

I am very excited to see everyone supporting Life with Hannah and Lily. If you haven't checked it out yet please make some time to click over and read a little about Hannah. She is truly a special little girl but her mother is the reason I keep going back.

Here are the links of the participating bloggers. If you are inspired to write anytime, just leave me a comment and I will put your link up.

The Mad Momma

The Corn Was Good

Motherhood Uncensored

A Woman With Hobbit Feet

Steven Rigney

Jessie

United States of Motherhood

What was I THINKING

Impostor Mom

Not World Famous

Manda-private blog

feeling more like a bystander than a (step)parent

We never want him to feel like a visitor in his home. We never want him to feel like he was over looked or forgotten when we have family events, gatherings, celebrations, and fun. Where we can't always do everything with him we try to plan the things we have control of around our schedule with him. On a somewhat regular basis something will come up or happen where I feel like I have no say, control, or place to share my feelings. Being married to the non custodial parent should I even get a say?

Often times when behavior problems arise I can talk to him, send him to his room, and if it continues I will usually call Steve and have Steve talk to him. Not my ideal way to parent but it seems to be working.

Sometimes he has different names for everyday items that makes me wonder if he will ever have any kind of influence from me. Is anything I say or do ever going to matter to him. Does he understand that he is part of my family, and my life as he is part of his dad's. He is not a visitor in my home. He is an occupant.

Mostly I feel like his nanny. Meaning-I can spend my days playing, feeding, laughing, correcting, and learning with him but I can not shape his life in anyway. I wonder if this is how it is suppose to be. Is this how all step parents feel? It doesn't seem right that I have my own kids that I expect certain things for but I don't/can't/won't for Jonas. I love him like my own but I am certainly not allowed to treat him like my own.

We are fortunate to have the relationship we have with Jonas' mom. Steve and she have their bumps in the road, mostly over parenting issues, but over all they are friends. She and I are friends, maybe with unspoken boundaries, but friends nonetheless. Steve and I communicate, trust, and love each other completely. SO why do I feel so helpless, and annoyed at the end of the day?

At best I think it is the lack of influence. I see me in Ady and Jaden. Not just the whole creepy identical to me(and the rest of my strong gene family) but their actions and words. As strange as it may sound I also see Jonas in them. Ady calls the shopping cart a "buggy", the crib a "cradle" and she eats "buttered bread" NOT bread-n-butter. All of which she learned from Jonas. Jaden has times were he is study something really hard and I could swear I was looking Jonas in the face. I don't see myself in Jonas at all. No mannerisms, sayings, or looks. Nothing. I fear that the little bond we have will only be weakened as the years pass. I fear that the lack of involvement will turn more and more to resentment.


I don't want to start over compensating. That will only bring up negative feelings from his siblings. So what needs to be done. OR What can be done? Anything? Nothing? Do I just accept these feeling as insecurities and move on? Am I not doing enough to bond with him? Is the bond more than I see on the surface? Who knows. I guess whatever happens I do know I have a strong support system, and great relationship with my husband, and a place to vent my frustrations when my 16 year old stepson is sneaking out and disobeying everything we say. *ACTUALLY I must add-that is an insane fear. Jonas is not the wild disobeying kind, right now, so to think that he would be capable of something like that is laughable

Parenting sites

Blogging Baby had a very helpful post on parenting sites. Be sure to check the comments, there are several links there too. I haven't been to all of these sites but I do read Parent Center and Blogging Baby everyday. Plus I have numerous mommy blogs I read everyday. The internet is a great resource for parenting advice, as long as you don't use it as your only source.

Go check out those sites!

blog radio

I am taking some extra computer time this AM. Motherhood Uncensored is on blog radio. It started last night and since I had sign class(tell you about that in a minute) I wasn't able to listen. Since I have NO FRIENDS with a 20 min. drive of me I really enjoy listening to these women talk about issues that face us all. It is worth listening too, EVEN with having to constantly pull Jaden's hands away from the keyboard.
If you have an hour to kill you should sit down with some coffee and listen to last nights show.


OK sign class and being reunited with an old obsession.
We will start the night at home with my stomach in knots over going to sign. I couldn't calm down, didn't eat well, etc., etc...
We made our usual stop for drinks and I walked over to the Frappuccino cooler. open the door, pick one up and took it to the counter to pay for it. I abandoned my boycott. Part of me, now, has guilt and shame. I can't stick to anything. No commitment for me(WATCH OUT STEVEN) BUT-at the time, ONLY a Starbucks Frappucino would help. It was so good. IT WAS DAMN GOOD! I don't think there are enough words to describe the feelings I experienced as I drank the coffee that I had gone 7 months without. So 9on with the night--I drank it in about 15 mins and got "drunk" so as we are pulling into the college I am having a giggling fit. Great, we are going to sign class, where last week we all got yelled at, and this week we are all dreading it here I am laughing up a storm.
So we got in and the class started off rough with what I felt was a personal attack on Steven and
I. He was showing us the difference in finish, just, and stop(all the same sign) and really got into the expression and using Steve and I as examples. After break time Steve(the teacher) seemed alittle more relaxed. Then, right before class got out, Steve(teacher) told us that Dec. 12th will be his last day. He is frustrated(not with us, with others) and tired and just burnout. The burnout and frustration just boiled over on us last week. I am both relieved and disappointed. I really don't want to learn sign from someone who will yell at any given time BUT I want to take sign 3&4 and it is likely that they may not happen. Plus I do like Steve and know he will be missed not only by me but the rest of class.